Heads Will Roll

I must confess something. During the whole wedding planning process I've aimed to be described as "such a cool bride to be." I want people to say "she's so easy going about it all." "Even with all of the stress, she behaved like a sane person."

For a while it was easy to be this bride character I'd invented.

And then I actually took a look at the calendar and realized that -holy moses!- I only have a month left. And of that month there are only 8 weekend days in which to get everything done. 9 if you count Labor Day but I plan on day drinking, so.

8 days!

Then a switch went off somewhere in my brain. I swear there may have been an audible click. Now I'm a lunatic. I've been angry with Devin, my mother, my DJ for sending me a 4 word email response to my lengthy email to him, half of my guest list for not rsvping in a timely fashion, and the guy who manages the string trio for possibly vanishing off the face of the earth.

Oh, and another note about the string trio guy. This morning while in the shower I actually rehearsed (out loud!) the angry voicemail I'm going to leave him if he took over a week to respond to my last email. He has 1 day left. If I fire him I think that will make me feel better...for about 20 minutes.

I am trying not to feel stressed, even though really I am sort of a control freak and paranoid and I panic easily. I'm trying to ignore my instincts and be awesome.

But it's beyond me at this point. I'm going nuts and I keep feeling like I'm going to cry and I have no idea why this is happening.

Breathing in.
Breathing out.
Moving on...