Sunday, March 1, 2009

New Advancements In Fat Slob Technology

At the little cafe by the checkout of Target, you can buy an order of Pizza Hut breadsticks and a medium soda for $3.  It's the perfect treat for late afternoon shopping and it helps dull the pain of spending $200 on stupid crap like laundry detergent and cotton balls.  

Today, after pushing the World's Loudest Shopping Cart around Target for a half hour, I hastily purchased the breadstick combo on my way to the exit.  

After cramming all of my shopping bags into the trunk and backseat of my car, I got behind the wheel, eagerly dug out the first breadstick and the marinara sauce cup, and started to chow down.  Ordinarily, I have very strict rules about eating while alone in a parked car because...well...have you ever seen a woman doing that before?  It's super sad.  But today I was positively starving.

With one breadstick down and two to go, I realized it was getting late and I needed to bust a move to The Abbey for a birthday party.  I'd need to take this show on the road, but mobile breadstick consumption seemed challenging.   How does one dip and drive?  

First, I dug around in the back seat and tore open the 8 pack of paper towels I'd just bought.  I used two sheets to fashion a placemat like so:

With my lap safely protected, things were looking up.  But there was still the problem of the marinara sauce.  Foregoing it was simply not an option.  Balancing the cup in my lap seemed too risky.  I could try holding it, but this would hinder my steering.  

After 2 more minutes --or the time it probably would've taken me to just eat the damn breadsticks-- I finally figured out how I could take them on the road.

The sauceholder:

Ah!  A brilliant, and only slightly embarrassing, solution.  Now I can add Target cafe Pizza Hut breadsticks to my list of foods I can eat while driving.  [Previous items on the list include french fries, breakfast sandwiches, the filet-o-fish, the bean & cheese burrito. ]


Anonymous said...

Maybe you should swap the soda and sauce, so that you don't have to carry the sauce soaked breadstick as far? I see tomato sauce falling into and then sticking up your gear shifter!
- Anne

Wonder-Rachel said...

LOL I thought the same thing - maybe the sauce is too far away? Anyway - way to go! I once spilled honey-mustard ALL OVER a pair of brand new jeans while dipping and driving so you're ahead of me!

lucklys said...

well that definitely is innovative! i am such a sucker for pizza hut. especially their breadsticks. every time i fly, i look for a pizza hut so i can get my fix without spending too much money.

Katelin said...

i am horrible at eating and driving, i usually just have to wait til i get home to forgo a mess in the car, haha.

Anonymous said...

Gotta say.. its fate talking to you. Now you just have to get a Commercial Drivers License, and drive an 18 wheeler cross country while experimenting to see what else you can eat while driving...

nicoleantoinette said...

Ha, we're all such losers. I too was going to say "But the sauce! It's too far away!"

Clearly I eat too many meals in my car. Stupid Los Angeles car life.

Hollywood Sucker said...

Anonymous, Wonder-Rachel, Nicole- Is there no pleasing you people!?

Luckylys- I could go for another round right about now.

Katelin- You can wait?! You're a better woman than I.

Anonymous- I think I could stand a career of eating and driving.

Brian said...

Omg, I was dying over this post because we've ALL eaten embarassing things in the car. Adding dipping sauce certainly ups the ante though!