Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The follow-up to the shoe crisis

It turns out that people at the event last night had better things to do than judge my footwear. Yesterday's panic was all for nothing. Last night was fun.

When attending these types of things, I believe you are supposed to pretend to be too cool for school and act like it is perfectly natural that you are in a room full of movie stars. While at the movie viewing portion of the evening, I attempted to adhere to this etiquette, but the only action I could think of to feign nonchalance was to eat my popcorn. My plan sort of worked. I'd see Samuel L. Jackson, my mouth would open in surprise, I'd fill it with popcorn, then chew. And then suddenly I'm all, "Samuel WhoInTheWhatNow?" By the time I'd nearly plowed through my tub, it dawned on me that if I kept this up I'd never be discovered by some important director. Unless he happened to gaze across the room, see me, and gasp, "Who is that captivating young woman methodically shoving handfuls of popcorn into her fat face?"

So when I got to the party, I abandoned this whole principle and made it a point to stare at celebrities. Or, if possible, hover near them. Or, when they were less impressive, to point them out to my friend and without lowering my voice, say something like, "Hey, that guy next to us was on Heroes."

I didn't get home until about 2am, and thus went to bed about 6 hours after my usual loser bedtime. And so today I am exhausted, and I believe perhaps technically asleep right now, so I'll stop writing now.



Tomas said...

Best advice I've ever gotten for playing it cool around celebs is to be cynically funny. Make fun of something with a sharp and witty comment about something 3rd party to the situation - if you can make them giggle, the playing field gets leveled and respect is earned - and subsequently if you did it right, they typically try to one-up you because we are all narcissists out here - ESPECIALLY celebs, go figure...

I guess the flip side is that if you make a shitty joke, you'll look like a poser. Pressure's on. If you look directly at Sam Jax and say, "I guess we're not in Kansas anymore", you're unoriginal, awkward and socially fucked. If next to Sam you say without eye contact, "the tapestries on the theater walls look like King Tut's tomb took a shit" - he'll probably giggle, respond, and you have yourself a convo.

Tomas said...

i thought it was fun advice for playing it cool. class clown theory. simmer down, friend. i'd hardly call this star fucking 'demi-gods' - more of a witty ice breaker.

and easy on the sarcasm. your post here reads like an 80s SNL sketch - for better or for worse.

Desk Champ said...

i suppose my comment was a little over sarcastic. i will give you that. i hear that that being chained to ones desk can do that to you. i have taken down the comment and offer my apologies.