Hi

I deleted my previous post. Even though I thought it was a cute little joke about how I never think things through and how I can be won over by a stuffed animal, it seems an unintended reader did not get the punchline. And now I feel all paranoid and weirded out. Maybe I shouldn't, but I guess I'm just a sensitive gal.

The only person I ever really make fun of on this blog is myself. (And the cast of The Hills, but I've been a little too easy on them lately.)

I think my complaint is that I've been having a hard time coping with life lately, and now I can't even come to my blog and be myself.

"Just When I Thought Things Couldn't Possibly Get Worse..."

So last week I fell in a puddle. And this week I have a new punchline to the setup "Just when I thought things couldn't possibly get worse..."

I got in a car accident. A stupid little one. It wasn't so much a crash as two cars bumping shoulders in a crowded hallway.

Last night I met up with my sister and Kesila for an after work drink. After an hour or two, we left to go to a friend's birthday party. Each of us drove separately.

I retrieved my car from valet parking, paid the attendant, and got behind the wheel. I waited for a pack of cars to pass by so I could pull away from the curb. Finally, the last car passed by, so I pulled out. But at the same time I was leaving valet, the other car was slowing down to park at the valet next door. (I know, only in Los Angeles...hardy har.) So we collided. I'm not entirely sure how I managed to drive into him and I wasn't even sure that I had, but the car immediately pulled to the side of the road, so I did the same.

I waited in my car while the man in the other car got out, looked at the area near his rear tire, and freaked out. Great.

Another guy got out from the passenger side and stood still while the driver (henceforth referred to as Guy) continued waving his arms in the air and pacing. Finally, I got up the nerve to get out of the car. At the same time, my sister walked up, having seen the whole thing happen because she was pulling out right behind me.

Right away I apologized to Guy, even though I know you're not supposed to admit fault in an accident. But I really was sorry. I thought that his temper tantrum was just a reaction to the circumstance, and that he'd be reasonable with me. After all, an accident's an accident.

But no. Instead he came at me with "Look at this! These are custom rims!" Yeah, I really care. "You've ruined my night!" Wow, way to make it personal.

I looked down at the damage and saw some small, barely noticeable dents. I was expecting much worse, and was relieved. But now I still had to deal with Guy.

"I didn't mean to ruin your night. It was just an accident. And I have insurance. Let me just get my card." I turned to walk back to my car to retrieve my card when he says, "I'm not going to call the police and bring them into this. Although it's good to get a police report."

"Yeah okay." I mean, who ever feels like doing that.

"Are you drunk?" Guy asks.

"On 2 glasses of wine? Obviously you don't know me," is what I felt like saying in response. But that would have had the effect of actually making me appear drunk. So I gave him a straight "no."

My sister chimed in at this point. "If you call the police they'll take forever to get here anyway. They don't care. My boyfriend's a cop--"

"Yeah you don't need to bother," added Guy's friend.

"Okay. So I'll go get my insurance card then." I had a feeling this was going to take forever. Then a valet attendant jogged up to me. "Excuse me, miss. Would you move your car? It's blocking the driveway." Man, I'm getting shit from everyone!

When I got back to Guy, he still hadn't lightened up. I handed him my insurance card. "And I'll need your driver's license too." There's nothing I love more than being talked to like I'm in trouble by a guy who has no authority over me. So I hand over my license. "And do you have a pen?" Boy oh boy.  So I fish around in my purse and pull out a pen for him.  

Guy walks away to start writing everything down. My sister was bored with the whole scene and left. Guy's friend says, "He's cool. Sorry he's acting like this. He's just upset because earlier this week someone else hit his mirror."

"Oh, I get it." Then we stood there in silence for a moment before Guy came storming back over to give me another lecture about custom rims. Then he took down my phone number. And then read it back to me. And then called my phone to make sure it was a real number. And then he ranted on about how someone had hit his car earlier this week, as though I'd had something to do with it. I had just about reached my limit. I felt like saying "Your car isn't that great" or "You know, bad things come in threes, so stay tuned!"

But I was determined to make him succumb to my undeniable charm. "You know, everyone's okay here. You've got my insurance information, they'll take care of everything. Just put it out of your mind and have a great night."

Guy smiled the world's tiniest smile and said, "How am I going to pick up girls with my car looking like this?" Ah-ha! I'd was getting to him.

"If a girl inspects your car before she goes home with you, you don't want her anyway," I joked. Guy's friend laughed, but Guy had gone back to looking at the damage and making tsking sounds. Ah well, you can't win em all.

By this point I really didn't know what else we could possibly do, unless Guy wanted me to swab my cheek for a DNA sample or take pictures of me pointing to the dents and making an exaggerated frowny face. So I asked, "Are we good now? Can I go?" And I was dismissed.

I got back in my car and gave myself a moment to regroup. And just when I thought things couldn't possibly get worse, I realized Guy kept my pen.

Scrubs Stuff

Hi there! Exciting news items-

1. Another installment of Scrubs webisode series "Interns" written by Devin is available for your viewing pleasure here.

2. Tonight at 9:30pm on ABC is the Scrubs episode written by Devin! Tune in or set your tivos. It's gonna be a good one!

Not Off To A Spectacular Start

Since I last checked in, my life has consisted of the following things:

1. Work
2. Being sick
3. Complaining about the above 2 items on the list

Just wanted to let you know I'm still here, sort of. And that I'm still reading your blogs, even if I haven't commented lately.

So far, I'm not having a good year. Work is beating me up. And I have no free time so it feels like my life is unraveling. Everything in my apartment is covered in dust and in the wrong place. I don't think I've seen Devin for like 3 weeks because he's been working like crazy. And the dog is depressed because we're not home and when we are we don't feel like doing anything. So now I'm a bad pet owner. And I haven't felt like washing my face at night because I'm so tired before I go to bed, and I don't feel like blow-drying my hair in the morning, so I look gross all the time. And I'm getting fat and flabby because I have no time to adhere to any sort of diet and fitness regimen.

And I don't even feel comfortable feeling sorry for myself because there are plenty of people in the world with real problems.

So that's how that's going lately. And then this morning, the exact right thing happened next: I fell in a puddle.

I woke up really early, feeling pretty lousy after drinking 4 margaritas last night with my friend. I couldn't fall back to sleep and I could hear that it was raining lightly outside, so I thought it would be nice to take Seamus on a long walk.

Things started off fine, despite my feeling a bit dizzy. It felt appropriate to walk in the rain and think about things. In my head I was hearing that music from the Cymbalta commercial. "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere. Who does depression hurt? Everyone."

Then the rain started to come down harder. Seamus was displeased. But I trudged forward. But then my raincoat was soaked through (probably because it isn't really a rain coat at all, and is barely water-resistant, but it usually works to get me through the short distances from place to car and then car to place).

And then the rain reached ridiculous levels, Seamus was no longer having any fun, and a woman getting into her car gave me a dirty look for being a dog abuser. So, I turned around to head home.

Because it doesn't rain very often in Southern California, the roads aren't really built for drainage. Massive puddles built up along the sides of the road and especially at intersections. And I encountered one such massive puddle at a corner 2 blocks from my apartment.

It extended a few feet from the curb, so I hesitated in front of it for a moment. Then I decided to just make a leap for it. I jumped over the puddle, but Seamus did not jump with me. I landed on the edge of the curb, but was wearing slippery flip flops so I didn't take hold very well. I wobbled, leaning back, and then forward, and nearly had my balance, when Seamus did a weird puddle-hopping maneuver. Both feet went into the puddle. But this was no ordinary puddle. I'd say it was mid-shin deep.

And the fun didn't stop there. It wasn't like my feet slipped in and I just stopped. The whole thing was a struggle. I still hadn't regained my balance, and grabbed onto a the pole of a street sign to save myself from falling all the way backward. The entire time, Seamus was going nuts and pulling me in all directions. The two of us were splashing up a storm. And I made an embarrassing "wooahhh-oooahh" noise.

To make matters worse, a car was driving by as this happened. Which means there is a small possibility that somewhere out there, a man is telling his coworkers that he saw a girl and her dog flailing around in flood waters this morning.

Anyway, I finally made it onto the sidewalk and back home. At this point I was feeling sort of Charlie Brown-ish. Good grief. I took a shower and started getting dressed.

And then I pulled a shirt out of one one my drawers and realized my cat had peed on it.