Monday, June 16, 2008

But I Might Need Some Kind Of Girdle

I know. I haven't written much lately. It's not because I've failed to do or say anything stupid for the past few days. Believe me. It's just that I've been stuck inside my head lately.

"Oh wow. I've always wondered what it's like in there," you say.

'Tis a silly place.

My brain is a simple machine that's impossible to use because of the addition of complex features, like a can opener that's voice activated and solar powered. And worse, someone's gone and sprinkled glitter all over the whole thing and there seems to be chunky peanut butter clogging up the gears and cranks.

It's like that.

But anyway the reason for being stuck in my head is because I'm in the early stages of planning our wedding. Believe me, I didn't think that a mere 3 weeks into the engagement I'd be pulling my hair out and feeling overwhelmed.

I just can't help myself I guess.

Frankly, I'm a little annoyed with myself. I'd always thought I was the running-off-to-Vegas-to-elope kinda gal. But the second I had a ring on my finger and getting married was an actual thing, not only did I want a wedding, but instantaneously my head was filled with a hundred different, conflicting, and impossible to carry out ideas of what this wedding would be.

And it all begins with Setting The Date. I guess. I gathered that this was a very important thing for us to do immediately because everyone started asking.

It is, "Congratulations. When?"

I had the urge to arbitrarily just pick a date in the future, but then worried that some industrious person would take it upon themselves to write this date in a planner and make it all official.

So there still is no date. And no location. We don't even know which coast yet. I've changed my mind again and again about everything. And apparently you are supposed to pick out a color palette. Oh, and one other thing I hadn't anticipated- evidently, everything costs money. Did you know this?

Still, with all of this planning and decision-making to do, I can proudly say that I do have at least one thing checked off my list.

For some stupid reason, I already have a dress.

I didn't mean to do this all out of order. I blame downtime at work. Previously, I spent it always reading (and writing) blogs. Now a woman inconceivably possessed, I spend this time perusing wedding websites looking for centerpiece ideas (I'm thinking candles, not flowers) and bridesmaids dresses that didn't make me want to vomit (there are none).

It was during one such wedding quest that I started looking at pictures of wedding gowns. And that's when I found my dress. It was simple and beautiful. It was precisely what I always wanted. And it was on sale this month only.

I bookmarked the webpage and put it out of my mind. Then I went back and looked again. And again. Then I sent the picture to Anne, and my sister and to a poor coworker who was simply trying to get a drink from the water cooler next to my desk.

But no! I mustn't buy a dress already. I don't even have the date yet!

Then I found the justification.

Because Anne is moving to Brooklyn at the end of the summer (abandoning me! unimaginable horror), I thought that perhaps I better do at least one planning activity with her before it's too late.

And so I made an appointment to meet the dress. Anne and Kesila joined me. Well, they were both stuck in traffic and 15 minutes late, and by that point I'd already tried on the dress. It was perfect. Slim, flattering. I didn't feel like taking it off and putting it back on again, so the dress and I waited for my friends. I wandered around looking like quite the sad, directionless bride until they finally arrived.

They agreed the dress was perfect. They also agreed that while we were at it, I may as well try on some others. And this meant that, if only for their amusement, I would try on at least one poofy dress.

Oh, the poofy dress. I looked around and all of the other brides-to-be were standing in dresses that belled out from the waste. They all looked adorable, really. But I just couldn't bring myself put something on that was big.

While I was changing out of one of the less sizeable options, my friends rummaged through the aisles and produced a strapless (strike one), sequin embroidered (strike two) gown with an enormous skirt with big poofy layers (strike three).

Rolling my eyes, I dragged this masterpiece into the dressing room and navigated my way through the material. When I stepped out, and stood before the mirror, I was shocked to find that I sort of, kind of, liked it. But why?! It's just ridiculous. When I confessed that I felt very pretty, Kesila assured me that my wedding day was the day to be extravagant. I looked to Anne for a second opinion. She was laughing to herself and floofing some of the lower layers of the gown.

Well that settled it. Back to the original dress. Poofy was officially out of the question.

Knowing that I was already over the dress-shopping stage, and realizing that my boobs looked good in the lovely dress I'd wanted from the start, I decided practicality be damned! I was going to get that dress.

And so I did. And so it sits in my closet just waiting for it's big debut. Whenever I set a date.


Phil said...

Fluff can be amusing, but it sounds like you've got sass on your side. And sass kicks ass. Congrats, by the way!

Just another silly girl said...

wedding planning can be fun, I swear. just stay away from the knot- they're all crazies. If you want to consult a great group of women who don't always do things the traditional way, I will introduce you to your new time sucker at work:

There are about a bajillion topics, but some will really help. I thieved about half of the cool stuff I used for my wedding from the women there . . .

surviving myself said...

Brooklyn is where all the Cool People live.

It's a proven fact.

nicoleantoinette said...

I'm not really sure why, but this might be my favorite post of yours. Without ever having MET you, I feel like I can say "this post is so you!"

Also? I am sooo far from being engaged, but I feel like I might be the "think I'd run off to Vegas until I actually get the ring" type too. Oof. Because yes, everything costs money and I HATE it.

Katelin said...

fluff just sounds fun. i don't think i'd wear a big fluffy poofy dress either, but there's no harm, only entertainment, in trying them on, haha.

but congrats on finding a dress. now if only the rest of the wedding would plan itself right? haha.

mindy said...

I don't think weddings should cost money. That's like saying love costs money (which mine does, but you know, it probably shouldn't).

JenBun said...

Yay! Congrats on having the dress! That's one thing done, no matter what order you are doing them in...

And yet we still have not seen a ring picture! I'm sure Devin picked out a lovely ring... don't you want to share and make us all mad with jealousy?? Or at least give us the opportunity to make the oooh ahhh noises??? ;)

Paula said...

Do what my sis did - go away to Mauritius and get married. Then have a big party when you get back. I swear to god, although I am still fuming a year on that I never got to go and be bridesmaid, I know it saved her all kind of hassle and stress!

Felicia said...

I've heard from other past brides that it's a really good idea to get the dress first. Then you can touch it up or whatever you brides do, before the actual day to ensure its perfection.

Hollywood Sucker said...

phil- I like your rhyming abilities. Sass DOES kick ass.

silly girl- Oh yay a fun wedding site. Yes I went on The Knot and it was scary. The first message board or whatever those are called was all just girls being bitchy to each other and saying "stop complaining" and stuff like that. eeeeep!

surviving- Yes, that's what everyone who lives in Brooklyn says. So it simply must be true.

nicole- Oh good, I'm glad I'm still me somewhere in this wedding fiasco I've created for myself. ha!

katelin- I know. I think maybe if I just wear the dress and stand in one spot for long enough, a wedding will just grow around me. Or maybe just a lot of weeds. Or maybe I'll just get sun burned.

mindy- Does that mean you're offering to pay for it all? I'll totally get your back when you marry Paco or whatever you're calling that guy.

jenbun- I know I know. I almost posted it but then I felt weird. But if you email me you can have a private viewing.

Paula- I don't know what Mauritus is but if its like a magical island where everything is free and you can play loud music past 11pm, I'm in! Because so far I can't find any such place in all of my research.

Felicia- When I was picking up my dress some other girl was buying the same one! Only she was having pregnancy alterations done on hers. So, good to know I can always have it let out 35 inches or whatever.

Inono said...

Your boobs did (do?) look perfect in the dress. I think its the most important thing you buy (besides the license) for your wedding, so thanks for letting me help!

And I can still help pick stuff out over e-mail when I move...

Michelle said...

hehe; I did that "Congratulations. When?" thing on Saturday. You two should just elope so you don't have to deal with the BS hehe.

Yasi said...

Just so you know, as the queen of practicality here, I think your choice was a smart one. They (whoever they are) say that brides typically go back to buy the first dress they tried on. And I must say by buying it right away, you do away with all of that back and forth, stressful bullshit. so for whatever it's worth, well done, I say.