Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Class of '00

The other day I got a little postcard in the mail from my high school's directory office asking me to call within 7 days to update my info. I nearly threw it out, but then thought I should follow up because this might have to do with my 10 year reunion. I want to make sure I am invited so that I can make a big deal about refusing to go.

So just now, while there was a calm point in my day at work, I dialed the hotline number on the card. I wanted a website. Who does these things over the phone?

While waiting for someone to pick up, I noticed the address for the directory office was a P.O. Box in Chesapeake, Virginia. My high school was in New York. What the?

And then someone picked up. He said that they were checking all of the graduates' contact information for some directory they'll publish soon.

Me: I've never gotten a directory before.
Him: We only do this every 8 years.
Me: Oh. So it has everyone from the last 8 years in it.
Him: It has everyone ever. Or, everyone who agrees to be in it.
Me: So this is optional.
Him: Can we start?
Me: Ok.

He double checked my name and mailing address and the year I graduated. He asked for my email address. I hesitated, but then figured what if SOMEONE randomly wants to talk to me? Like someone who graduated earlier than I did and also works in the entertainment industry and needs a new VP for his or her company and wants to hire an alum. I should at least be open to such things. So I gave the email address I rarely ever check.

Him: So what were your favorite activities in high school?
Me: I didn't have any.
(A pause)
Him: Did you play any sports?
Me: ...No.
(A pause)
Me: I was in marching band?
Him: OH! Well that's something!
Me: Great.
Him: And what is your favorite memory from high school?
Me: I don't have any.
Him: None?
Me: None.

I can just imagine my listing in the directory:
Favorite activity: marching band
Favorite memory: none

How sad.

Him: Do you have a spouse or kids?
Me: No.
Him: None?

I didn't like the tone of his response.

Me: None.

I was about to ask "well, I'm engaged, do you put that in the book?" but then he kept talking

Him: No kids?
Me: No.
Him: Or, at least, none that you know of, right? Hahahaha.

I wanted to tell him that this joke would only work if I were a man because, as far as I know, a woman can't birth children without her knowledge.

By this point I felt like I'd been on the phone for an hour and I was worried I'd provided much too much information about myself. I also figured no one would ever read this directory because everyone just stays in touch through facebook (except me, but I might get an account soon).

Then came the part of the conversation where he tried to sell me this directory. Or rather, "order a copy in advance."

Me: No thanks...
Him: Well, that's fine, but maybe a soft cover copy. It's $20 cheaper.

$20 cheaper? I wouldn't pay $20 total for this thing.

Me: No, really. I don't really want to talk to anyone or hear from anyone I went to high school with.

I hope they don't print that either.

Him: Oh. Got it. Can I email you my youtube videos?
Me: What?
Him: You know. Since you do production stuff.
Me: Oh. Uh, fine.


Tia said...

i think i talked to that same guy last year.

he seemed to have a hard time comprehending my three name changes, to which i said "what? so i was in love a couple times since graduation. sue me!"

i hate that guy.

Felicia said...

I got those postcards too. I threw them out because I figured it was a scam. Thanks for verifying my suspicion!

Katelin said...

he seriously wanted to send you his youtube videos?? wow. yeah i don't think i'd want to be in that directory either.

gunn said...

At last, a post in the last week that's NOT about Obama.

Anonymous said...

I was all set to be far too cool to attend my ten year reunion, but then my slack-ass classmates dropped the ball on organizing one.


saratogajean said...

Ah, I'm class of 2000, too. My tiny school attempted to have a 5 year reunion, but I think that was only so everyone who had gotten pregnant in high school could come back and show everyone else how happy they are now.

I guess I wasn't the only one who thought it was lame because it was cancelled due to lack of interest.

surviving myself said...

I think he summed it up quite nicely, being in marching band is... something. Not good. Not bad.

Just "something."

cOm said...

i wish we were friends in high school.

JenBun said...

I never fill those things out. And calling someone? WAY too much work.

They'll find me, for the reunion.

If not, they'll find Tia. And she ALWAYS finds me! :P

Amanda said...

Wow. I guess everyone really does want to break into the entertainment industry.

And I always get sad about reunions, since I went to three high schools and don't think I'll be invited or remembered at any event those high schools throw. But mostly, I'm with you - I just want the opportunity to refuse to attend, because my life has become too awesome.

Jack and Jill said...

Marching band? Really?

Not long ago Jack & I walked past the venue for National Marching Band Championship or something. It was....ridiculous to say the least. And I'm not gonna lie: we mocked those high schoolers. Sorry.

Hollywood Sucker said...

tia- i feel better knowing I'm not alone.

felicia- damn it! you are smarter than me.

katelin- He never sent them!

gunn- Hey, we're an excited bunch of young folks.

peter- Really? I wish I went to your slacker high school. They sound like more fun!

saratoga- Maybe it was cancelled due to overage of babies.

surviving- Oh WHATEVER.

com- me too! then I would've had 4 friends!

jenbun- I wish Tia could keep track of me. That would be easier.

amanda- I'm inviting you to a reunion. It's tomorrow. Wanna go? (Here's your chance to say no!)

Jill- It's okay. I wouldn't expect anything less.