Last night I was a human trash can. When I told friend Anne this, she said, "You mean like you ate a lot?" Ordinarily that would make sense, but that's not what I meant regarding last night.
No, I was literally a human trash can. I worked at a catering event and my job was to carry around a tray so that people could put their trash on it. I smiled and actually said "you're welcome" to the 4 people who thanked me. Actually, even worse, I thanked people when they picked something off of their cocktail table for me and then put it on the tray. I said thank you. THANK YOU for the gnawed stems of your chocolate dipped strawberries. THANK YOU for your little plate covered in sauce with a balled up napkin stuck to it. I fought the urge to curtsey sarcastically. I mentally made people drop dead. I don't know if you've ever done this (and I hope that you have so I don't feel like a psychopath), but I do this thing where I glare in someone's direction and picture invisible laser beams shooting from my eyes and making them fall to the ground and have seizures. And to the party planner who yelled at me for carrying a tray of food off of the buffet table and back to the kitchen, even though I was just doing what my boss told me to do, I want you to know that mentally I set your hair on fire.
About 5 minutes into the event, and before I'd been assigned to the human trash can task, I'd already text messaged Anne "I can't do this anymore." And I really can't. It's exhausting and holding trays all night makes my shoulders and wrists hurt. And it's like embarrassing. Look, I don't know how I got to be this way, but I'm really prideful. (Although anyone who came to my last birthday dinner and watched me drunkenly mash my hands into the ice cream cake would probably question such a statement.)
Also, it' really hard to work with some of the other servers. I mean, I'm sure that they are just like me and are nice and fun in most circumstances, but showing up at these events just sucks the life out of them and turns them into assholes. Ok, I'm actually only talking about one girl in particular here because everyone else is pleasant most of the time, and I've even started to like the bosses (Stockholm syndrome?), but this one girl...jeesh. High strung. Snippy. Weird.
Actual conversation overheard with her and another server.
Her: So are you an actor too like everyone else.
Him: Yep. I am. Are you?
Him: Wow, yeah it seems like almost everyone is at this gig.
Her: I'm actually doing something really cool, maybe you should ask me about it.
Who says that to someone they just met?
Also, we are hired to work a minimum of 5 hours. This means we are paid for 5 hours, even if we only work for 2. It also means, like last night, that they try to get you to work for as long as possible to fill out the 5 hours and get their money's worth. This means standing around trying to load things into a truck until 12:30 am, when I'm freezing and my feet hurt, and it's obvious that I don't have the arm strength required to lift all that crap and so I'm pretty much useless so they should just let me go home.
But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. And this girl's gotta stop being broke. So I press on.