Friday, May 30, 2008

At the old ball game

On Sunday afternoon, I went with my sister and some of our girlfriends to a Dodgers game.

I spent much of the time talking about myself and admiring my new ring as it sparkled in the sunlight. And then the rest of the time I performed my usual baseball-watching routine, which does not entail any actual game watching.

I think starting from when I was a little girl, going to watch our local team, the Chiefs (who later became the Sky Chiefs during the late 90s when everyone got all P.C.), I've watched a total of 40 minutes of baseball games.

So what exactly do I spend my time doing? Let me offer you a breakdown.


(click to enlarge)

As you can see, only a small percentage of time is spent doing The Wave, but these few minutes require a lot of energy. When you see The Wave heading your way, you must move your nacho tray off your lap, secure your beer, alert your friends. It's a lot of work, and this is precisely why baseball fans will only put up with two consecutive rounds of The Wave. We noticed on Sunday that the first wave is thrilling, the second wave is impressive, but by the third time you see it coming your way, you groan and stay seated in protest.

And to clarify the green area on the chart, Trying to Find the Funny Looking Person My Friends are Pointing Out In the Stands, this is what happens when your friend next to you goes, "Oh my God, look at that guy!"
"Who? Where?"
"Right down there." Points to the seats to your left, where approximately 20,000 people are seated. "He's wearing a big sombrero."
"Where?"
"Down there. There!" Your friend frantically stabs the air with her pointed finger.
"I don't see--"
"Two rows away from the guy in the bright orange shirt."
"I don't see him either."
"You can't miss him."
"I know, but I just."
"Look where I'm pointing."
"I see where you're pointing, I just don't see the guy in the orange shirt."
"Ok," your friend sighs and then tries another approach. "Do you see that big pole?"
"Big pole?"
"Oh come on it's right there. Right there. The big pole."
"Oh yeah that pole. Right."
"Ok now look at the pole, and then look about 3 seats over. See him?"
"Oh wait wait yeah, I see him. I see the orange guy, but now where's the guy in the sombrero?"
"He's like two rows up from the guy in the orange."
"Oh! Got him! Yeah, that is funny..."
"It's not any more."

14 comments:

JenBun said...

Hilarious!

This is exactly why I love going to games... :)

(I also like to walk around to ALL the concession stands to see if there is something better I'd rather eat... and I spend a percentage of my time throwing things at people being annoying.)

devin said...

big pole. ha!

surviving myself said...

You should try going to watch a real sport. You know, one that doesn't have an actual period of time built in so that fans can stretch because they are bored out of their skulls.

Football is much more fun. Or hockey. Or basketball. Or curling.

What I'm saying is that baseball sucks.

saratogajean said...

My pie chart would look similar, except I would have to subtract the time I spent bitching about how expensive the warm, foamy, beer was from the time I actually spent drinking it.

mindy said...

Some of us are still waiting for pictures of said sparkly ring!

Also, my friend Ben used to make me go to the MN Twins games all the time in college. He'd get really irritated with me when I'd whip out a book to do some homework mid-game....I have no idea why. Have a little fun, I say!

Katelin said...

haha i do love baseball games. you really can't go wrong there.

Inono said...

You forgot shopping for cute sports apparel. Oh, and searching for your seats, that took us at least 20 minutes.

Julie_Gong said...

I go for the weiners.


HOT DOGS PEOPLE! HOT DOGS!

brandy said...

You have a pie chart in your post AND reference to Lauren Conrad in your header? I already like you.

Peter said...

I'm about as big of a sports junky as you are likely to meet, but I can't force myself to watch baseball any more. I've been living a lie. I tried to watch a Blue Jays game on tv the other night, but found myself listening to music, reading The New Yorker online, chatting on Google talk, playing Scrabble on Facebook and texting back and forth with a friend. The game had been over for a half hour before I noticed.

Also, I was wearing an orange shirt and giant sombrero.

Tia said...

WHERE are the RING PICTURES??!!!

damnit.

cOm said...

so i was standing in line at the grocery store yesterday and my eye wandered over to US Magazine like it always does... and heidi was on the cover in a bridal veil and the cover said something like "why i decided to forgive"... "heidi marries spencer - he's my soulmate!"

so now i'm laughing because she's dumb. and he's dumb. and you're not there to laugh too. and also...

your ring is super sparkly!! max says it's sparkly-er if you dont look at it in direct light.

fort knocks said...

hahaha "yeah that is funny..." "not any more."
Hilarious.

Paula said...

I NEVER see the people other people are pointing out. I've given up these days, I tend just to nod and laugh along and pretend.