On Sunday afternoon, I went with my sister and some of our girlfriends to a Dodgers game.
I spent much of the time talking about myself and admiring my new ring as it sparkled in the sunlight. And then the rest of the time I performed my usual baseball-watching routine, which does not entail any actual game watching.
I think starting from when I was a little girl, going to watch our local team, the Chiefs (who later became the Sky Chiefs during the late 90s when everyone got all P.C.), I've watched a total of 40 minutes of baseball games.
So what exactly do I spend my time doing? Let me offer you a breakdown.
(click to enlarge)
As you can see, only a small percentage of time is spent doing The Wave, but these few minutes require a lot of energy. When you see The Wave heading your way, you must move your nacho tray off your lap, secure your beer, alert your friends. It's a lot of work, and this is precisely why baseball fans will only put up with two consecutive rounds of The Wave. We noticed on Sunday that the first wave is thrilling, the second wave is impressive, but by the third time you see it coming your way, you groan and stay seated in protest.
And to clarify the green area on the chart, Trying to Find the Funny Looking Person My Friends are Pointing Out In the Stands, this is what happens when your friend next to you goes, "Oh my God, look at that guy!"
"Right down there." Points to the seats to your left, where approximately 20,000 people are seated. "He's wearing a big sombrero."
"Down there. There!" Your friend frantically stabs the air with her pointed finger.
"I don't see--"
"Two rows away from the guy in the bright orange shirt."
"I don't see him either."
"You can't miss him."
"I know, but I just."
"Look where I'm pointing."
"I see where you're pointing, I just don't see the guy in the orange shirt."
"Ok," your friend sighs and then tries another approach. "Do you see that big pole?"
"Oh come on it's right there. Right there. The big pole."
"Oh yeah that pole. Right."
"Ok now look at the pole, and then look about 3 seats over. See him?"
"Oh wait wait yeah, I see him. I see the orange guy, but now where's the guy in the sombrero?"
"He's like two rows up from the guy in the orange."
"Oh! Got him! Yeah, that is funny..."
"It's not any more."