That is the title you get after I somehow managed to watch Wayne's World twice this weekend, and Wayne's World 2 about one and a half times.
I was going to write more about how I'm engaged and show a picture of the ring after several requests to see it. But first I have to tell you about the proprietor of FakeTV and how he is pissed.
Last week, to fill up space and get out some random thoughts, I wrote this little throwaway post where I talked about American Idol, and then went on to talk about this product I'd just heard about called FakeTV. It's a little device you put in your home and it gives the illusion, to ne'er-do-wells and cat burglars lurking outside, that a tough and savvy person is awake and watching TV inside, so they best not try to break in. It looks like a real TV, but it's not. Get it? Get it? You sure?
I haven't bothered to go back and re-read that post to see exactly what I said about FakeTV, but the gist of it was that I didn't really see the point of it and, more importantly, that the website over-explained the workings of the wondrous invention.
It seemed, from most of the comments I received on that post, that people agreed with my assessment of FakeTV.
But a comment appeared today that stood out from the rest. A comment from someone using the handle FakeTV Mfr. Yes, FakeTV Manufacturer (or FakeTV Muthafucka, I suppose).
"You still need good locks, and a light on a timer remains a good idea. Stop the paper and mail when you are out of town, and get to know your neighbors - that gives you the extra benefit of a more-connected life. That said, the light from an operating television looks "alive", really conveys the impression that someone must be watching it.
But, if you think FakeTV (or a light on a timer) is a really, really, stupid idea, well, we more cautious types need someone to redirect the burglars to. "
To which I say, "Exsqueeze me? Uh, baking powder?"
Clearly this person spends his or her (but probably his...there is something unmistakably guy-like about this petulance) time perusing the internet looking for people who have commented on the FakeTV.
I googled FakeTV and my blog post doesn't come up until the 5th page of search results. But it's there, amongst many other articles and product reviews. And FakeTV Mfr found me.
Is it just me or does it sound like he is wishing that burglars descend upon my home? "We more cautious types need someone to redirect the burglars to. "
I did briefly entertain the idea that this comment was a prank. But I just don't think anyone I know or anyone who reads my blog could pull of such an accurate interpretation of what the inventor of FakeTV would sound like.
And since I don't suspect that FakeTV Mfr is going to stop googling "FakeTV" any time soon, I have a feeling he will come across this response to his comment.
And so, this is to you, FakeTV Mfr.
Look, I am not a mean person and I don't think your product is stupid. I just don't really see it as super revolutionary. But I'm sure you worked really hard coming up with the concept, and designing the prototype, and getting the financial backing to launch this endeavor and market it properly. And I have never invented anything ever (except for these buffalo fake-chicken patties I've been making lately and they probably aren't even that original) so I guess I don't know how much work goes into it.
So please take back your wishes that your FakeTV users will redirect burglars to my home. My home is where I keep all of my shit and I'd like my shit to stay there. Thank you.
No hard feelings, I hope, FakeTV Mfr. Thanks for taking a moment to read this rebuttal.