Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Exsqueeze me? Uh, baking powder?

That is the title you get after I somehow managed to watch Wayne's World twice this weekend, and Wayne's World 2 about one and a half times.

I was going to write more about how I'm engaged and show a picture of the ring after several requests to see it. But first I have to tell you about the proprietor of FakeTV and how he is pissed.

Last week, to fill up space and get out some random thoughts, I wrote this little throwaway post where I talked about American Idol, and then went on to talk about this product I'd just heard about called FakeTV. It's a little device you put in your home and it gives the illusion, to ne'er-do-wells and cat burglars lurking outside, that a tough and savvy person is awake and watching TV inside, so they best not try to break in. It looks like a real TV, but it's not. Get it? Get it? You sure?

I haven't bothered to go back and re-read that post to see exactly what I said about FakeTV, but the gist of it was that I didn't really see the point of it and, more importantly, that the website over-explained the workings of the wondrous invention.

It seemed, from most of the comments I received on that post, that people agreed with my assessment of FakeTV.

But a comment appeared today that stood out from the rest. A comment from someone using the handle FakeTV Mfr. Yes, FakeTV Manufacturer (or FakeTV Muthafucka, I suppose).

He says:

"You still need good locks, and a light on a timer remains a good idea. Stop the paper and mail when you are out of town, and get to know your neighbors - that gives you the extra benefit of a more-connected life. That said, the light from an operating television looks "alive", really conveys the impression that someone must be watching it.

But, if you think FakeTV (or a light on a timer) is a really, really, stupid idea, well, we more cautious types need someone to redirect the burglars to. "

To which I say, "Exsqueeze me? Uh, baking powder?"

Clearly this person spends his or her (but probably his...there is something unmistakably guy-like about this petulance) time perusing the internet looking for people who have commented on the FakeTV.

I googled FakeTV and my blog post doesn't come up until the 5th page of search results. But it's there, amongst many other articles and product reviews. And FakeTV Mfr found me.

Is it just me or does it sound like he is wishing that burglars descend upon my home? "We more cautious types need someone to redirect the burglars to. "

I did briefly entertain the idea that this comment was a prank. But I just don't think anyone I know or anyone who reads my blog could pull of such an accurate interpretation of what the inventor of FakeTV would sound like.

And since I don't suspect that FakeTV Mfr is going to stop googling "FakeTV" any time soon, I have a feeling he will come across this response to his comment.

And so, this is to you, FakeTV Mfr.

Look, I am not a mean person and I don't think your product is stupid. I just don't really see it as super revolutionary. But I'm sure you worked really hard coming up with the concept, and designing the prototype, and getting the financial backing to launch this endeavor and market it properly. And I have never invented anything ever (except for these buffalo fake-chicken patties I've been making lately and they probably aren't even that original) so I guess I don't know how much work goes into it.

So please take back your wishes that your FakeTV users will redirect burglars to my home. My home is where I keep all of my shit and I'd like my shit to stay there. Thank you.

No hard feelings, I hope, FakeTV Mfr. Thanks for taking a moment to read this rebuttal.

-HS

13 comments:

fort knocks said...

I like that he put a comma between "really" and "stupid," because - come on - how stupid are, you?

Inono said...

Yea, the number of grammatical errors in his comment are off the chart.

Also, get a life, Mr. Inventor! You must have bought a vacation home with all the money you're making from your invention, go use it, and stop stalking yourself on the internet!

Katelin said...

wow i can't believe he actually wrote that. i bet he's got fake tv set up in a google alert and the minute anyone mentions it he's on it. ridiculous.

here's to redirecting burglars to his house, sheesh.

mindy said...

I WAS going to go buy a FakeTV but now that I know the designer guy is a complete A-hole, I'm going to cancel my order.

Felicia said...

I saw his comment earlier today and laughed. AWESOME! A flashlight shaped like a TV! I mean, he's obviously a genius. And yes, it's definitely a man.

JenBun said...

What if they try to steal your engagement ring?!?

You'd better take (and post!) a picture... you know, for insurance purposes. ;)

nicoleantoinette said...

Ha! I love that he took the time to find this. Exsqueeze me? Uh, baking powder? indeed.

A Lover and a Fighter said...

you're famous! i can see where this is going. you and mr faketvmfr launch into an oscar-and-felix style business endeavor which results in the MOST CONVINCING FAKE TV DEVICE/THING EVER CREATED!!!

Peter said...

"there is something unmistakably guy-like about this petulance"

If I wasn't so delightful, and certain that you weren't including me, I would be super offended.

surviving myself said...

It was definetly FakeTV Muthafucka.

Hollywood Sucker said...

fort knocks- apparently really, really, stupid.

inono- I almost pointed out all of the grammatical errors, but I was trying to sound nice.

katelin- Now I feel like I need to buy a FakeTV to protect myself.

mindy- Shh don't say that! He'll come for you too!

felicia- You're brilliant. I wish I'd thought to call it a TV shaped flashlight. It also reminds me of those things that doctors put x-rays in front of.

jenbun- Don't give the burglars any ideas. Now I'll have to get a FakeRing as a decoy. Or a FakeBigToughFiance to scare them away. Oh wait, I already have a real one!

nicole- Yes he needs to exsqueeze himself from my comment section from now on.

lover/fighter- I hope you're right.

peter- Oh, peter. How very adorable of you.

surviving- Probably you're right.

Corinne said...

Being a Daddy's girl, I had always emphathized in my dad's love for baseball. I played along -- I wore Mets caps, I watched a few games here and then with him on TV. When I family and I took a trip to NY in the mid-90s, we went to what would be my first baseball game.

The sky was blue, the Mets played well, the ice cream was served in a little Mets cap bowl and tasted like shit, and I had a glorious time.

But a 13-year-old me, on the brink of adulthood, broke my dad's heart that night.

"What was your favorite part of the game, Corinne?" he asked.

"Hmm. Hard to narrow it down. I'd say the first baseman."

Anonymous said...

I've been looking into this gadget (yet another "why didn't I think of that" idea) and I don't think this "inventor" is the inventor. Check out US Patent 7,365,649.