Monday, April 7, 2008

Foods I Apparently Felt Were Absolutely Necessary To Shove Into My Fat Face Today: Weekend Edition

It's time for another entry into my food diary, Foods I Apparently Felt Were Absolutely Necessary To Shove Into My Fat Face Today. But before I get to the list, I must introduce you to the principle that is the foundation of this weekend's entry. Illustrated here:

As you can see, the more stocked my kitchen is, the more food I will eat. It doesn't matter if I've stocked up on groceries for the next month- I will eat 75% of that food in the days following my shopping trip. It doesn't matter if I am full, it doesn't matter if I've already had a snack in the past 15 minutes, I will find myself eating and eating, simply because I've bought myself so much food.

I first discovered this scientific principle when I was a sophomore in college, living in an apartment for the first time, no longer living off of dorm food and in charge of feeding myself. My roommate and I would go to the grocery store and fill our cart with (what we imagined to be) enough food to last us weeks. We'd buy fresh vegetables and frozen foods, healthy trailmix and fattening chips. Stuff to make breakfast! Stuff to make sandwiches! It was all very well intentioned...

And then we'd get home and spend the next 3 hours consistently grazing until every package of food was opened and I'd had a buffet dinner consisting of something like a handful of Honey Nut Cheerios, a Pop Tart, a strawberry yogurt, a bowl of pretzels, a slice of american cheese, half a bag of microwave popcorn, 2 spoonfuls of peanut butter, and some carrot sticks with ranch dressing.

You see, I'm fully aware of what happens when I buy too many groceries all at once. And yet it never stops me from doing so.

On Friday night, I got home from work and realized there was nothing to eat in the whole apartment (I have no clue why this came as a surprise to me). So after Devin and I decided to spend the night at home, watch a movie, and drink the one remaining bottle of wine from last weekend's wine tour, I decided that I would venture out to Trader Joes, my favorite place in the world, to pick up something for dinner.

When I arrived at the store, I first went to grab a little basket to shop with, but then thought better of it and grabbed a cart. This is like the second time I'd ever used a cart at Trader Joes. I was thinking that since I wasn't in a hurry, I'd stock up on food for the next few days, so we'd be able to wake up on Saturday and Sunday mornings and actually have food to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Dooo deee doo. I'm so clever. (Also, I was starving at that moment and that may have had some impact on my decision making.)

By the time I got home, I had bags and bags of food to unpack. And we started off eating only what seemed necessary. But by the conclusion of the weekend, and with the addition of some leftover craft services food my sister brought from a video shoot she did Saturday, the list of Foods I Apparently Felt Were Absolutely Necessary To Shove Into My Fat Face was pretty darn impressive. So here's the rundown of what what Devin and I (mostly me) ate this weekend, with a little help from my sister and some friends who dropped by.

3 pizzas - 2 frozen, 1 take out
2 1/2 bottles of wine
1/2 bottle rum
6 pack of cider
1 package pad thai noodles
1 bag frozen jumbo shrimp, or roughly 30 shrimp
1 pound block of cheddar cheese
1 wedge of brie
1 package ramen noodles
1 half gallon orange juice
1/2 bottle hot sauce
1 chocolate cake (seriously, who just buys a chocolate cake?)
1 dozen eggs
1 box morningstar farms veggie sausage patties
1 loaf sliced sourdough bread
1 quart of milk
1 baguette (approximately 2 feet long)
6 cheese danish
1 bag tortilla chips
1/2 jar of spaghetti sauce
1/2 box of spaghetti noodles

And this morning, my jeans are sort of cutting off my circulation.


devin said...

what a delicious weekend.

surviving myself said...

only 2 1/2 bottles of wine???

you've got to pick up the pace!

Inono said...

Mmm, that sounds delicious, I'm jealous! I find that when I go grocery shopping, the minute I get home, I want to try all the yummy new stuff I got, even if I'm not hungry. I'm a sucker for good packaging.

mindy said...

I agree with Surviving myself - this is unacceptable.

nicoleantoinette said...

Oh man. When I come home from the grocery store I'm all "weee! must try everything all at once!!"

Katelin said...

i used to do that all the time too, i just get so excited when i buy food, haha. and at least it was all delicious.

JenBun said...

You're a champ!

And now I want some Brie. On a baguette. And a chocolate cake.

Mmmmm... *drool*

Corinne said...

Shopping when you're hungry is never a great idea..:/

I frequent this fantastic and cheap Asian grocery store in PornLand and if I'm hungry, I, a vegetarian, will often walk past aisles that boast a wide array of things like bags of dried whole anchovies (staring at me) and frozen baby squid and think yummmmmmmm...

Kristen said...

I have told you this before, but I've gained 10 friggin' pounds in one year. One year! However, I'm happier now. Food=happy as long as you have someone to share it with. It sounds like you had plenty of people who were digging in with you! How fun!

Hollywood Sucker said...

devin- I know. I wish I had another cake.

surviving- Yes. BUT we went out to the bar on Saturday night so...

inono- Yeah I like to open packages.

mindy- See above response.

nicole- I'm glad i;m not the only one with this problem.

katelin- Oh yes, it was delicious. And I managed not to save myself any food for the week. Damn!

jenbun- Yeah I want more of that too.

corinne- Frozen baby squid! Do they have eyes?

Hollywood Sucker said...

kristen- Like I always say, "You can't eat when you're dead!"

Julie_Gong said...

If I could only eat cheese the rest of my life I would totally be ok with that. I would have owned that wedge of brie.

Corinne said...

Er, I'm not sure..they sure are purply though.

Yes. Purply is a word. It is.