God Loves Green

Allegedly, I am supposed to be getting my $600 stimulus check from the guv'ment some time this week. I'm still waiting, eagerly.

But in the meantime, I've got another entry for my list of other People Who Owe Me $600.

Trader Joe's customers who won't take their damn raffle tickets.

For those of you who don't shop at Trader Joe's, either because you don't have one in your city or because you hate fantastic value, organic products, and friendly service, allow me to explain.

In order to discourage their customers from using wasteful plastic and paper bags, Trader Joe's gives you a raffle ticket every time you bring your own bags-- either fancy canvas bags, or if you reuse old grocery bags.

After you pack up your groceries, you write your name on the little ticket, walk proudly passed the other check out aisles, toss it in the pot with a little smile of self-satisfaction, and you're entered to win the weekly prize: $25 in free groceries.

It's a nice little bonus for helping the environment.

But recently, something has been a little off. It started last week. I was checking out at Trader Joe's and as I began packing my little canvas tote, the cashier asked me, "Do you want a raffle ticket?"

"Shhhyeah. Duh."

"I ask now because some people don't want to take one."

"They don't want free groceries?! They don't like prizes?! Who doesn't like prizes!?"

"Well, they say they aren't in it for the free groceries, they're just helping the environment."

She swiped the last few remaining groceries across the scanner, while I processed what she said. Are people really like that?

And then last night, I got the answer to that question. Yes, some people ARE really like that. Some people are so freaking pious I want to punch them.

I stopped at Trader Joe's to pick up some champagne and snacks on my way to a get-together for my friend's birthday. I'm standing in line, looking around to see if anyone notices my impressive reusable bag. "Yes, I do care. I am green. Thank you. Thank you." And just when I'm convinced I'm the biggest loser in the line, I hear the guy in front of me turn down his raffle ticket!

Whaaaa?

"No that's ok. Keep it for someone else. I'm just happy to do my part."

Oh pa-lease! I'm sorry sir, but who the hell do you think you are? Just take the freaking ticket. Clearly no one is doing it for the $25 in groceries anyway. If that's why I was doing it, I would have quit after I failed to win for the 65th week in a row. It's just a little gift from Trader Joe's. They are trying to be nice!

After he left, I scooted up to the cashier. "Ha. I'll take his ticket if he doesn't want it," I said. I thought I'd make a little joke. And she would roll her eyes as if to say "Get a load of this guy!" and say something like "I know, right?!"

Instead she said, "We're only allowed one per customer."