Monday, July 7, 2008

Say Cheeeeese...Wait did somebody say cheese? Oh that was just you. I thought there was cheese...


Yesterday there was a wedding planning breakthrough: We picked a place! And, sort of, a date!

The location is on top of a hill in Calabasas, overlooking many other hills. It's quiet and beautiful. And the date is October 3, 2009, selected because it is just one day shy of a full moon. I don't know how official any of this is since we haven't paid for anything, but it's now set in my head and this means trouble.

Because now I've moved on to panicking about something else. Something even more difficult to deal with than finding a wedding site that doesn't have required caterers or noise restrictions or predetermined wedding packages.

I'm now concerned because I'm not photogenic. At all.

Like really.

It's bad.

Every time I see pictures from a party or a night out or a family gathering or pretty much any occasion when I left my house feeling that I looked just fabulous, the photographic evidence surfaces in the days that follow, as a friend sends me a link to flickr or snapfish. Turns out, I severely overestimated my rank on the hotness scale.

And now I worry that I won't find a cure to this affliction before my wedding. And whereas every other bride ends up with these glorious, sun-kissed photos of herself in her flowing gown, her head turned just slightly to the side, I am instead going to have something that resembles this:

Here I am at Miriam's wedding last Saturday, with a napkin tucked into my dress. I seem to be playing with a fork. My hair is matted to my head because it was about 98% humidity that day.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Surely you won't be doing stupid things in front of the camera when you pose for your wedding pictures."

No, I won't. But that doesn't protect me from candids. And I was going to tell the photographer not to take any posed pictures because I wanted him or her to capture all of the real life moments.

So now I think I'm going to have the photographer spend six hours trying to get one good picture of me. And then when he does, I will immediately send him away from the site, lest he sully that impeccable image with one of me doing something like this:


Phil said...

Holy crap, do I ever know what you mean. Even way back in elementary school, I'd make a big gay show of combing my hair just so, and the second I saw my pictures I'd start crying. Pictures are disastrous.

mindy said...

I can almost see your booooby!

Well, a part of it anyway. Kind of.

Am I a boy or just really immature?
PS. My word verification is unfairly long: gpfvcwhw

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Ah Calabasas is beautiful that awesome!

Peter said...

Uhm, I don't think these pics are anywhere near as bad as you seem to think they are. Also, on a largely related note... Your sister? Is she single?

devin said...

i think you look beautiful in those pictures. slightly retarded, but beautiful none the less.

Katelin said...

oh man i take so many ridiculous pictures i can't even imagine what my wedding photos will look like one day. i'll probably have my tongue out in half of them, oy.

rs27 said...

Forks are weird. Why are they 4 pronged? Why not 3? Why not 2? Why not just a stick that you shove into spaghetti?

Cleary I have over thought this.

The Ex said...

Side boob! I don't think that last one is thaaaaaaaaat bad?

surviving myself said...

I agree with Devin.

nicoleantoinette said...

Ooo, yay! There are some really pretty places in Calabasas.

JenBun said...

Whoa, I saw side-boob!

You're adorable!!! :)

Hollywood Sucker said...

phil- They are! But when you try to avoid them people think you're weird.

mindy- yes, the boob IS the problem.

chelsea- I am really excited!

Peter- Ugh, well if you go and say the pictures aren't bad, then it looks like I was purposely doing this to fish for compliments. Stop it!

devin- Thanks...

katelin- At least I'm not alone.

RS27- I'm not above shoving a stick in my spaghetti.

The ex- The sideboob is the problem

surviving- Well you two should be best friends then.

nicole- Yes there are. And this one place is mine all mine!


Inono said...

The sideboob should not be the problem! Its hot!

JenBun said...

Is the sideboob the problem?

But WHY is the sideboob the problem? It's boobtastic!

Just another silly girl said...

Just out of curiosity . . . is Tom Flint photographing your wedding? He was our photographer, and he is amazing. I know Devin has a connection, so I wasn't sure! I can give the highest of recommendations for him if you are still deciding . . . :)

also, I think you are quite photogenic and your wedding pictures will be gorgeous.

Corinne said...

You are so photogenic, come on. Holy crap, do I hate myself in pictures. Before digital ones came out, I was the one cutting myself out of most pics after they were developed. Now I just delete about 99 percent of any pics taken of me. It's like when you hear yourself on tape -- that's not my voice! Oh god. It actually is. Shit.

Calabasas is neat. Tommy Lee and many other rockers live there or keep a horse ranch there cos they can party as late as they want without people like Mel Gibson running out of their mansions at 3 a.m., shaking their fists and telling the kids to turn down that racket.

Joy said...

I think you'll be fine! I have a friend who's a wedding photographer (in North Dakota, unfortunately) but because she has so much experience doing the candids they turn out amazingly well. And the ones that are off she has the good sense to delete or hide!

We called my friend Lauren's camera "the uglycam" because its shutter was so flow that it took photos a split second after you thought they were being taken so we got all kind of uneven blinks and weird angles. We actually convinced her to replace it because none of us would stick around when the uglycam came out.