6 Evil Triscuits

It's been roughly one week since I started Weight Watchers for the fourth time. I haven't weighed myself, but I suspect I've lost a hearty eighth of a pound. I'll be posing for Maxim in no time, fellas! I'm practically a stick figure!

In order to make the diet more doable, I've made some moderations so that it fits into my lifestyle.

- I'm not counting points for alcohol.
-Nor points for martini olives.
- I'm not counting points for anything that is "like a condiment" because I will start to feel like a real pyscho if I'm measuring out salad dressing or toast butter.
- I'm not following the plan from the hours of 6pm on Friday to 7am on Monday each week. Vengeful pig-outs are acceptable, but by no means required.

Everything is pretty much smooth sailing these days, but the first day was THE WORST. By about 11:45 am, I was ravenous and depressed. My poor coworker had to endure instant messages from me every 5 seconds that read "AH!" "Lame." "Dying." "Starving. Really."

I hadn't brought a lunch and I didn't really see many healthy options sitting in the office kitchen. "I'll just eat a low points snack," I said to myself, "And then get some lettuce for lunch."

So I rummaged around and selected a slice of pepper jack cheese. Ok, I knew this wasn't THE BEST idea, but it would fill me up with its tasty fatness. 2 points.

Then, to go with it, 6 triscuits. How bad could they be?

Well, they are 2 points. It seems a bit extreme if you ask me, but no one asked me. Because if Weight Watchers asked for my opinion, I'd have turned the diet into an all-you-can-eat pizza and burrito fest.

But I digress. So now for my teency, not at all satisfying snack, I'd consumed 4 points, leaving me with 2 points to go for lunch.

This meant, I got to eat a large apple. Boy was that ever filling. Wooo-weeee.

Determined not to cheat, I decided I'd have to make it to dinner with no more food. This meant 5 hours, having eaten, so far, a bowl of cereal, 6 triscuits, a piece of cheese, and an apple. Sigh.

Then, out of curiosity, I decided to see how much exercise I'd have to do to earn back 2 activity points and cancel out the triscuits.

And folks, I'd have to run 2 miles! 2 effing miles for the reward of 6 triscuits. No thank you! I'm never working out again.

At about 3, I was furiously starving. The smells of everyone else's lunches--lasagna heated in the microwave, take out from Poquito Mas --were making me drool all over my desk.

I had one diet coke, then another, then I felt vibratey and ill.

And also still hungry.

I decided to email my sister, also killing herself with Weight Watchers, for strength and inspiration.

She was not fairing well either. Our email correspondence went something like:

Me: I'm starving.

Katie: I was just going to email you and say that.

Me: This is so lame.

Katie: I tried to eat healthy. Did you know 99% fat free yogurt has 4 points? A bag of microwave popcorn is 2, thank God. I'm dying.

Me: I can't stop thinking about dinner. 2 glasses of wine is 3.5 points. But I'm not counting points for booze.

Katie: Me either! A BK Veggie burger is 7 points, 9 with mayo.

Me: But mayo is so tasty.

And so the emails continued throughout the day, until I got home, feeling weak and seeing spots, and made dinner while shoving potato chips into my face.

...I mean, potato chips? What potato chips? As you can see, there are no chips here on my points calculator so I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. NOW GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR.

But, you still ate them...

I SAID GOOD DAY!