Friday, February 29, 2008

Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay

For 25 years I have happily been a cat person. Growing up, our family had two cats that lived until I was out of college. And we adored them and talked about them like they were people.

Naturally, when I moved out to LA and began imitating a grown up, I got a cat of my own, Midge. She is perfect and I've convinced myself that she is able to communicate her thoughts to me telepathically.

And then a year ago, I got a kitten. And boyfriend named him Sergeant Lazer J. Fletcher, or Sarge for short. The kitten had big feet and ate a lot. Now he's grown up, and enormous, and sort of a dick. He doesn't let us hold him and he refuses to sit with us on the couch. But he does do cute roley poley maneuvers all over the apartment and makes funny noises, so we like him just the same.

I've settled into the idea that I am bound to be a crazy cat lady, and really it's only my age that prevents me from wearing that title right now. So content was I to be a cat person, that when I read this post on the very good blog survivingmyself, I laughed. How foolish! Don't get a dog if you want to be happy! They take up too much time. And they are always THERE, at your side, wanting things. Or not wanting things. Just happy to be there.

One day later, Devin informs me we are getting a dog. This guy.

Yes, I know he's very cute. But I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with him! Fortunately, I get the excuse to be the bad parent because I never had a dog before. We haven't met him yet. I just borrowed this picture from the adoption site. He is 6 months old. I hope he likes me. He arrives today at 4:30.

He's a labrador/boxer mix. I want him to have one of those jazzy mixed breed names like labradoodle or puggle. I was thinking maybe boxador or lobster.

Last night, we ventured to Petco to buy supplies. In the times I've been there shopping for my perfect cats, I have always resented that like 75% of the store is dog supplies. I feel really bad for ferret owners though, they only get like one shelf's worth of supplies. Anyway, this time I got to shop for dog things.

Apparently I'm not very good at this. And after Devin vetoed my selection of an argyle patterned collar and a yellow hooded rain coat, I thought maybe I better stay on the outskirts of Project Puppy. So I ambled around the Petco, entertaining myself. I came across this on the aforementioned ferret shelf.

Howdy, partner. Cowboy Ferret is lickin his chops. Adorable.

And then there was this guy:

He was trying to catch some zzzz's, but the asshole albino rats next door were making quite the ruckus. Seriously, both times I visited the small animal section they were fighting and tumbling around. I felt bad for one of the rats, he was sort of getting pummled, but I don't think there's anything a girl can do in such a situation, except to get one of the stoned petco employees leaning against the jumbo cat condo to come over and break the two of them up temporarily. And that seemed like a pointless effort. For all I know, these rats were working out a very important matter (or RATter, as it were).

[btw, do you see what I spend my time thinking about? It's hard to be so intelligent...too many brain cells at work.]

Oh hello!

I liked this guy. I wanted to take him home with me. He has the same coloring as Midge the Cat and Nameless Dog, so he'd match perfectly. But I suppose the animal-to-person ratio in our apartment is getting a little out of hand already.

There were about 6000 different dog toys for sale at Petco. My least favorite was this monster:

Besides being hideous, the tag read "Releases bacon-scented air from nostrils when squeezed!" Awful! Oh, and guess who just HAD to put her stupid face under it and test out the bacon-scented air...

After roughly 4 hours, we finally left the store with as many dog supplies as we could stuff into the car. We got the puppy a crate because allegedly he is already crate trained. I had always thought it was mean to put dogs in cages, but according to boyfriend and the booklet that came with the crate, dogs like to have their own little spaces because instinctively they like dens. It also says they keep their crates clean, because they don't like to shit where they sleep. I guess this is nice of them, but how about no shitting ANYWHERE in the house, as a general rule. In fact, now that I think about it, it's kind of lame that he will stop himself from shitting in HIS OWN house, but not in ours.

Anyway, we meet him tonight and despite my groaning and ineptitude, I am really very excited! Updates to come.

Advice, anyone?


percillamaymarshmellow said...

Aww that dog from the other blog is great! i love dumb pets. And are drawn to tortoise-shell fur just like I like pets with orange fluffy fur, like my cat. I hope the new dog doesn't make Sarge more of a pansy than he already is, if that's possible...

Inono said...

Ooohh puppy, I can't wait to meet him! Don't let him sleep in your bed at night, or he will take over!

Also, that pig/bacon nose thing just sounds mean. They smell bacon but don't get any?

Corinne said...

Am jealous. How many hours are you going to leave him alone at home? Dogs need to be walked every 8-9 hours..

Tia said...

i was ALWAYS a cat person. i also believe one of my cats is perfect (the other one is kinda dumb).

however, as soon as i got my tiny dog...i fell in love. having a dog is rad. i don't consider myself CONVERTED, per se, more like EQUALIZED.

and work on the potty training ASAP. cuz our dog is a year old and still treats her puppy pads like guidelines rather than boundaries.

Mask said...

The trick with a crate, is to put the dog in for the night, or any extended absence. I'm presently a twenty-something myself, and I've always(as far back as my childhood memory goes) had between 3-5 dogs.

You do need to spend a lot of time with a dog however, its a like a demi-relationship. The more time and effort you put in, the better it'll work out, but don't expect the pup to take you out to dinner and a movie.

You may be surprised how 'telepathic' a dog can be. They pick up a lot of emotions and tone of voice.

I'm at this point down to only a mixed breed pitbull(Having lost a German Sheppard, and a Rotty in the past 2 years) and at this point, I can lie down on the couch, and the dog knows to come over and nose around for some attention.

I could go on and on, but the gist of it is that a dog is halfway between a mate, and a child. Love it to death, give it time and attention, but don't be afraid to be stern when required.

nicoleantoinette said...

Why do I feel like together, we'd get drunk and take all sorts of hilariously inappropriate pictures with our cell phones?

Okay, back on topic: I feel bad for ferret owners because they own ferrets. Ferrets are pretty intense.

Anonymous said...

hahaha - welcome to my life! Your dog looks a lot like mine, actually. It's a brindle coat right? Also, we use a crate for jack and it's worked pretty well so far. I'd recommend not putting anything in there, no blankets or anything, until he's completely house-broken. Otherwise you're looking at pee soaked laundry the next day.

so, really, if you have any questions, i might be able to help because we are going through the same thing right now, just a few months ahead of you. So email me if you want.

good luck, you are sooo gonna need it.

Peter said...

"Releases bacon-scented air from nostrils when squeezed!"

I think I dated her in college.

J-Money said...

As the CrazyDogMom to a 5 month old boxer pup, I'll tell you that you're in for a treat. And by "treat", I mean lots of yelling especially of the "STOP JUMPING STOP JUMPING STOP JUMPING YOU JUST SCRATCHED MY CORNEAS" variety. Boxers (and labs) are smart little beast was housebroken within a month.

And I agree with inono--because I let him into my bed, I'm now relegated to a tiny corner of the mattress, pressing my face through the headboard to breathe.

Since I, too, am going through the same stages of puppydom, e me with any questions at thetyping [at] gmail [dot] com.

Hollywood Sucker said...

Thanks to everyone for your suggestions! So far, everything is going well with the dog.

Percilla- Sarge has basically disappeared. Sad.

inono- YUCK! He is not coming in the bed. There's already enough fighting over mattress real estate. No need to make it worse.

corinne- He is going in to work with Devin, so he'll be getting plenty of walks.

tia- Yay cat people! The puppy is already potty trained woohoo! Not one accident all weekend.

mask- Interesting perspective. So far, Devin has been fussing over the dog, and playing with him and everything. I've just sort of been there, inactive. And yet it still loves me.

Nicole- Don't forget, it was a ferret that saved Dominic from being kidnapped in Kindergarten Cop.

survivingmyself- I want to extend the secret portal theory beyond the club scene and suggest that perhaps we are living the same life on opposite coasts. It we can just figure out the specifics, we can be rich scientists! And thanks for your advice. So far, puppy seems to like his crate. And no accidents yet...

Peter- LOL! Did her bacon scent turn you on or off?

J-money- Yeah, he does seem smart, now that you mention it. Fortunately, he isn't big on jumping. He is, however, big on licking my hand. And I'm not now, nor was I ever, able to tolerate that typical dog smell. Bleh.

Anonymous said...

it seems that way right? Also, words cannot explain how much cooler you are to me now after i read your reply to nicole. Not that you weren't cool before, but it is official now: you are awesome.

"There is no bathroom!"

Hollywood Sucker said...

survivingmyself- Put the toy back on the carpet!

I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess.

Put the toy on the carpet!

I'm not a policeman, I'm a....aaaalllllright.

mindy said...

Oh my gosh, you are going to LOVE having Nameless Dog. Dogs are just the best, and this guy looks so cute!

My advice:
1) Name him, because "Nameless dog" isn't very catchy.
2) Don't let him eat the perfect cats. They won't like that.
3) Go back to Petco and get that damn rain coat. How cute would that be?!

PrincessPolly said...

I've never had a pet (not even a goldfish) so I have no advice whatsoever! Sorry!!!

Anonymous said...

who is your daddy and what does he do?

Hollywood Sucker said...

mindy- 1) Don't worry he has a name. Seamus (Shamus)
2) So far he's mostly afraid of them so I don't think that will happen.
3) I know! I'm worried he's too big for it, but it was adjustable.

polly- That's ok. I'd probably just follow the advice all wrong anyway.

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

Oh my christ that little cowboy ferret is kind of making my life right now.

C said...

He's a cutie!

Hollywood Sucker said...

Joy- I know, right?

C- Thanks!

Tomas said...

I heard that ferrets were illegal in SoCal...has something to do with the local ecosystems, you know, like that Simpsons episode where Bart brought a frog to Australia.

Hmm...I wonder if I was lied to!

Hollywood Sucker said...

Tomas- Maybe no one told Petco that ferrets were illegal and so they've had these bags of bandit ferret food on their shelves for years.